Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
