Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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