Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found a bag of teeth...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
