is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
nutella sex= disaster
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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