I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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