I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
