just tell him i said nine months
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
