1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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