Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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