i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
