his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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