Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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