he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize