It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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