she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
