I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
