Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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