Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
