why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
