Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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