You can't special order awesome
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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