there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
