Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
