One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
