so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
