she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
