Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
