is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
