make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
