My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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