Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
