I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize