Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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