Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
third nipple confirmed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
