He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
