You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
