I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize