I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
