BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
