Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
