I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
