I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
