I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
