I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
