We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
