but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
