On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
