Umm I'm too high to move.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
