why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
