Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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