i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
