I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize