I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
