I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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