I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize