This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
