oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
