I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
