Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Come on in and take your pants off
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