Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
