he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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