I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
