just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize