dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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