did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
