my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
