Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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