I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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