I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
