I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
