im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
