oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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