Your tits are I can't wait for
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
