I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize