Swine flu. Run for my life!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
