I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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