Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize