It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
